S2:E5 Boy, has this season on Jersey Shore been riveting! The Situation is turning more and more into a chef each day, JWoww becomes increasingly dissatisfied with the way her fake breasts are settling on her body, and Sammi still fails to realize how Ronnie is just using her as a pregnancy pillow. But on last night’s episode, it was like a little bit (but not a lot) changed.
JWoww and Snooki went out to celebrate gay pride in Miami by going to a gay club and dancing with a nice gay couple. When they got back to the house, Snooki called her boyfriend Emilio to tell him of the new gay friends she made, and he was so far more than unhappy about it. He told her he was now going to go out and mack on some lesbians, and Snooki explained that girls hanging out with gay guys and guys hanging out with gay girls are soooooooooooooo different. Snooki said she wished she knew that he wouldn’t approve of her having gay guy friends before she fell in love with him, and then she hung up on him. JWoww applauded because she’s the greatest.
The Situation, Vinny and Pauly went to Klutch and they each rounded up a bunch of cute girls for themselves and ushered them back to the house. Unfortunately, The Situation invited a girl and her “hippopotamus” friend from the club back to the house…but was surprised when BOTH of them showed up at the house and NOT just the pretty one! Cleverly, The Situation put the “hippopotamus” to sleep and brought her cute friend into the other room, where Vinny and Pauly were already busy under the covers with their girls and not talking about protection or the percent of children in this country are born to parents who cannot teach them to read or explain the difference between fruits and vegetables.
Snooki spent the entire next day being sad about the way things ended with Emilio, and cried into JWoww’s bosom in the middle of an intersection. While the two of them were clearly offering to pay anyone who had to make a right turn on the way to the grocery store, Angelina got in a huge fight with The Situation about doing the dishes. Since he does most of the cooking in the house, he leaves the dishes for a few of the roommates to do (which isn’t terribly unreasonable). Since that’s the rule, he told her the dishes should be done before he returned home with all the groceries for that night’s dinner, but she spent the entire time on the phone talking to people who I very highly doubt exist, or even want to hear from Angelina. When The Situation got back and saw the dishes weren’t done, he told her she wasn’t welcome to eat what he was going to cook and that in the time she’ll be free that night, she should go use an elliptical. A little bit later he felt bad for excluding her from the dinner, and he apologized and Angelina did the dishes. It’s funny how The Situation feels his situation isn’t capable of helping him bully into a girl to washing some dishes so she’ll be allowed to feed herself.
Before Snooki and JWoww went to work at the gelato shop the next morning, they slipped the note about how Ronnie had been cheating into Sammi’s drawer. When Sammi found the chronicles of Ronnie motorboating and licking stripper poles, she showed Vinny and realized she’d spent the whole second season of the show looking like an idiot. Sammi showed it to Ronnie, who categorically denied participating in any aquatic activities and making out with two girls at the same time, but did reveal that he got one girl’s number…however, he threw it away. Sammi got into bed an cried. Ronnie scurried around the house to try and find out who wrote the letter, after immediately eliminating Snooki because she’d never use “wisely” as a word. Sammi asked Snooki and JWoww if they wrote the note, and they didn’t cop to it. THIS ISN’T THE JERSEY SHORE ANYMORE. WHERE IS ALL THE FIGHTING ON THE BOARDWALK AND THE PEEING ON COPS AND THE PICKLE-SUCKING? I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M WATCHING ANYMORE. THIS IS 90210 CRAP.
In the end, after Sammi and Ronnie broke up for the first time that a margarita couldn’t fix, Ronnie went into his drawer, got his ex-girlfriend’s number and called her to try and make Sammi jealous. It worked because that stuff works, and Sammi was finally convinced to tell him what we all know…and that’s that they’re not meant to be. Womp womp, MTV, womp womp! Now what do we have to look forward to?
