Lionsgate
There’s no doubt about it: the Hunger Games are a grim affair. That’s why we’ve decided that it’s time to turn the impending gloom and doom of the leading men and women in The Hunger Games: Catching Fire into a more light-hearted experience. Anyone up for a look-see at the modern-day fictional dating profiles of our favorite tributes?
We know all about the despair and sadness behind the majority of the character’s lives, but what about their thoughts on their ideal date or their favorite movie or what qualities they like the most about themselves? We’ve taken a handful of questions that contestants on ABC’s The Bachelor and The Bachlorette are usually asked before each season (plus a few of our own questions) and applied them to our fighting heroes.
So check out the dating profiles of 10 of the 3rd Quarter Quell’s tributes:
*Let it be noted that the only factual information in these profiles is each tribute’s name, age, weapon, district, and previous Hunger Game that they competed in.
Lionsgate
Name: Cashmere.
Age: Early-mid 20s (she’d prefer not to give an exact number).
Occupation: Personal Trainer.
District: 1.
Hunger Game: Unspecified.
Weapon of choice: Knife.
Favorite movie: Silence of the Lambs.
My ideal date: Spending time with Me, Myself, and I.
I hate when my date: Speaks to me without being spoken to.
If I wanted to impress someone I like, I would: What kind of bulls**t question is this?
Superpower I would like to have: Hah, like I need any superpowers.
Favorite foods: Blood.
Favorite television show: Hannibal.
Lionsgate
Name: Gloss.
Age: Early-mid 20s.
Occupation: Unemployed.
District: 1.
Hunger Game: Unspecified.
Weapon of choice: Dagger.
Favorite book: Flowers in the Attic. If I were trapped in an attic, I’d like to be stuck there with my sister, Cashmere.
Favorite movie: The Royal Tenenbaums. I find the relationship between Margot and Richie quite beautiful.
My ideal date: I don’t need another woman in my life. I already have my sister.
If I wanted to impress someone I like, I would: Introduce them to my sister. She’s great.
Typical Saturday night for you: Watching Clueless by myself and waiting for my sister to come home.
Top 3 things on my bucket list: Travel through Europe with my sister. Start a small business with my sister. Paint a portrait of my sister.
Lionsgate
Name: Enobaria.
Age: 30s.
Occupation: Trainer at Sea World.
District: 2.
Hunger Game: 62nd.
Weapon of choice: My own teeth. And before you ask, yes, it has been a problem in my dating life.
Most embarrassing moment: One time I had some human flesh stuck in between my teeth that nobody told me about. I hate when people don’t tell you that! It’s like come on, would you like it if you were walking around all day looking like a fool?
Favorite television show: Teen Wolf.
Lionsgate
Name: Brutus.
Age: Early 40s.
Occupation: Chef.
District: 2.
Hunger Game: Unspecified.
Weapon of choice: Spear.
Favorite movie: Tangled. I like the songs.
Your ideal date: There’s this great jazz place that I know of on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. Maybe a few cocktails there and then a walk through Washington Square Park?
I hate when my date: Assumes all I want to talk about is how many people I’ve killed. I’ve got other hobbies. Why doesn’t anyone ever want to talk about the cooking classes I teach on Wednesday nights?
If I wanted to impress someone I like, I would: Read them some of my poetry. I’ve been told I have a way with words.
Top 3 things on my bucket list: Be brought to tears by the sight of the Grand Canyon, spend a year volunteering in Africa, and learn how to bake the perfect blackberry soufflé (it’s my Achilles heel of baking).
Lionsgate
Name: Wiress.
Age: Early 50s.
Occupation: IT support for the local library.
District: 3.
Hunger Game: Unspecified.
Weapon of choice: Coil.
Favorite book: A Clockwork Orange.
If I wanted to impress someone I like, I would: Take them to the California Science Center and show them my knowledge of the mechanics behind solar cars.
Superpower I would like to have: Ability to tune out everyone’s voices. People can be really annoying sometimes.
My 3 best attributes: Not to brag, but I’m super smart, I can solve any computer malfunction, and I make a mean frittata.
Favorite television show: Dr. Who.
Lionsgate
Name: Beetee, but you can call me Volts.
Age: 50s-60s.
Occupation: Weapons engineer for U.S. Army.
District: 3
Hunger Game: Unspecified
Weapon: Technology, all of it.
Favorite Book: 1984.
Your ideal date: Building a model train set together. If we can set it up in under an hour, then I know we’ll make it through anything.
Top 3 Things on your bucket list: Go to one of Lady Gaga’s performances in space, invent a way to communicate via brainwaves, and beat the world record for breaking into the government’s server.
Favorite television show: Star Trek.
Lionsgate
Name: Finnick Odair.
Age: 24.
Occupation: Stay-at-home father and part-time model.
District: 4.
Hunger Game: 64th.
Weapon of choice: A trident… and a net for good measure.
Favorite movie: Splash.
If I wanted to impress someone I like, I would: Tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue. It’s worked before.
Typical weekend for me: Fishing with my son with our bare hands.
Favorite memory from my childhood: Watching The Little Mermaid with my sisters. I’ve always had a soft spot for Ariel.
My 3 best attributes: My body, my heart, and my body.
Favorite television show: America’s Next Top Model: Guys & Girls. Finally Tyra is showing the world that male models matter just as much as female models.
Lionsgate
Name: Johanna Mason.
Age: Late teens – early 20s.
Occupation: Woodshop teacher.
District: 7.
Hunger Game: 71st.
Weapon of choice: Ax.
Favorite movie: Fight Club.
My ideal date: Camping with nothing but the clothes on our backs. Now that’s romantic..
If I wanted to impress someone I like, I would: Yeah, right. Like I’m going to try and impress anyone. You either like me or you don’t. I don’t give a f**k either way.
Top 3 Things on my bucket list: Receive my black belt, build a cabin in the woods all by myself, and brew my own beer.
Favorite television show: I don’t have a favorite TV show. But I can tell you what I don’t like: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Why are they all so weak? Go and kick some ass.
Lionsgate
Name: Katniss Everdeen.
Age: 17.
Occupation: Archery coach for the Olympics.
District: 12.
Hunger Game: 74th.
Weapon of choice: Bow and arrow.
Favorite book: Oliver.
My ideal date: Hanging out by a lake enjoying the smells and the sounds. Preferably by myself.
I hate when my date: Orders for me. Biggest dealbreaker there is.
If I wanted to impress someone I like, I would: Challenge them to a game of darts. Spoiler: They’d lose.
Favorite foods: Lamb stew with dried plums.
Favorite memory from your childhood: Hunting with my dad.
Favorite television show: Survivor: The Australian Outback. The show’s gone downhill since then.
Lionsgate
Name: Peeta Mellark.
Age: 17.
Occupation: Adult school art teacher.
District: 12.
Hunger Game: 74th.
Weapon of choice: Paint (sometimes it’s not that useful).
Favorite movie: The Perks of Being a Wallflower
My ideal date: Going to a poetry slam night at a local coffee shop.
I hate when my date: Is taller than me.
Superpower I would like to have: Ability to swim. Wait, what? I can just learn that?
Most embarrassing moment: When I almost died because I couldn’t swim.
Typical Saturday night for me: Listening to The Smiths in my bedroom (but I’m also a Drake guy).
Favorite television show: Freaks and Geeks.
