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Nick Offerman consistently delivers, whether it’s in his new book, Paddle Your Own Canoe, in late night appearances, or in Reddit Q&As. He rarely wavers from his sexy, masculine woodsman persona, one that resembles, but doesn’t mimic, that of his Parks and Rec character Ron Swanson. Find out what Offerman had to say at his much anticipated Reddit Ask Me Anything (AMA). And man, does this guy enjoy dropping the S-bomb.
The manliest sentence he can write:
“I give you my word.”
On the biggest similarities and differences between himself between himself and Ron Swanson:
“Most like – Tammy 2 [played by real-life wife Megan Mullally] turns me into a rutting sex ox. Least Like – Ron’s in the dark ages, whilst I’m up to date with all the kids “kool” lingo, like “neato fresh” and “funky bitchin'”.”
His perfect Sunday:
“June 22, 1986”
Some parenting advice to a new father:
“I have not raised a child, but I believe the fact that you’re asking questions and paying attention are very good signs. Love your bairn, try to gently steer him/her towards handtools and away from CNC driven woodworking, which is basically robot craftsmanship. Make sure he/she knows to raise the grain before finish, especially in walnut. When the time is right, introduce charcoal/wood as the clear alternative to gas. Simply put: Give a s**t.”
His greatest achievement:
“Making my wife scream with a desperate, ragged orgasm that tore her vocal chords and we had to go to the hospital.”
On his famous giggle:
“I do not giggle, nor ever engage in any activity that could be described as ‘adorable.’ I sometimes utter a manly guffaw when I see something like football of ultimate fighting. Is that what you meant?”
The men he would kiss on the lips if he had to:
“I suppose Meatloaf’s lips would be flavorful with bacon and beef. Although I’m tempted to say some homophobic asswipe like Swaggart or Limbaugh, because I would bring them around to the good guys’ side with one smooch. I’m that good.”
His secrets to marital success:
“Have a great sense of humor, be respectful and always communicate fairly, and engage in a s**tload of 69. Appropriate amount of Lagavulin to have on hand? 1-2 shelves.”
On redheads:
“Redheads are the greatest. Rupert Grint? Forget about it!!”
Something he’s never told anyone else:
“I have 7 testicles.”
The best scotch and whiskey to eat with a steak:
“What an incredibly fortunate time and place we live in, to have the extreme luxury in our lives of pondering which scotch is best paired with a steak, a query that presupposes the possession of both steak and whisky. I suppose my answer would have to be ‘the best scotch/whisky to eat with a steak is America.'”
The Parks and Rec star who makes the cast laugh the most:
“Pratt, easy [Chris Pratt]. Lots of mad talent in the ensemble, and Amy is in a league of her own, like the league of Tina and Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon, but Pratt has the wildcard flavor to make us all s**t little green apples.”
The best way to start chatting up a girl:
“speak.”
How to fix loose metal knobs on a drawer:
“Remove knob. Drill slightly larger hole. Glue in a piece of dowel pre-cut to size. Drill new hole. Enjoy an intoxicant. You can also jam a bunch of toothpicks in the hole with glue, then trim them flush after the glue dries, but that method is much less elegant.”
His best life advice:
“I always tell people to figure out what it is they love to do, and then find a way to get paid to do it. I’ve been a lot happier in my life getting paid a little bit to do what I love (like acting in theater) than when getting paid a lot to do something I hate.”
His favorite adverb:
“Verily.”
The secret to his facial hair:
“No secret. I was lucky enough to have been born with some bracken-like whiskers. If you do not share that fortune, I suggest you cultivate an interesting hair coif or perhaps some pleasing accessories, like a driving cap.”
On his recent visit to Scotland on Parks and Rec:
“Ah, Scotland! My first time indeed, saw me traipse clear up to Islay, where I had a Swansonian number of wee drams. Also some middle-sized drams. Many of the long, wide shots of Ron on the cliffs would reveal tears of joy and gratitude streaming down my cheeks, were you to zoom in tightly enough, as the beauty and charm of that fair isle had me utterly besotted. The folks at Lagavulin were top-drawer, and I was as giggly as a pig in s**t. A very giggly pig. Also, sheep tend to appreciate my scent. It’s flattering at first, but then their nuzzling can begin to bruise.”
Read the rest of his charming, and highly sexual, interview here.
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