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Fiona Apple Told to ‘Shut Up and Sing’ by Texas Sheriff’s Office 

ALTHmm… now where have we heard this request before? Following Fiona Apple’s hashish possession arrest last week at a border stop in Sierra Blanca, Texas, the singer said some, uh, interesting things about her time in jail. The Hudspeth County Sheriff’s Office spokesperson Rusty Fleming has issued a statement in response to Apple with a clear message: “Just shut up and sing.” 

On Friday the 35-year-old Grammy winning artist recalled to concertgoers about her experience at the Hudspeth County Jail, “Most of the people were very nice to me. There are four of you out there, and I want you to know that I heard everything you did. I wrote it all down with your names and everything you did and said stupidly thinking I couldn’t hear or see you.” She added, “I then ripped the paper up, but not before I encoded it.” 

The “Criminal” singer then accused the four of “probably illegal” activity and said that she planned to keep the information private, unless “you’re interested in being a celebrity, I’ll make you … famous any time you ask.” Apple hath messed with Texas. Well, Fleming at least. 

Fleming told CNN in a statement that he would give Apple the state attorney general’s number to lodge a formal complaint, then fired back at the musician, “First, Honey, I’m already more famous than you, I don’t need your help. However, it would appear that you need mine. Two weeks ago nobody in the country cared about what you had to say. Now that you’ve been arrested it appears your entire career has been jump started. Don’t worry, Sweetie, I won’t bill you.” 

Be kind to her or treat her mean, she’ll make the most of it, she’s an extraordinary (albeit out of the ordinary) machine. While this whole thing is getting out of hand, this could at the very least make for some excellent material for her next absurdly long titled album. Or maybe she’ll hook up with the Dixie Chicks for a “Shut Up and Sing” tour. 

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